Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
