btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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