She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
