Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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