im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
