is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
