Betty ford says i'm here all night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
