It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
