Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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