Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
