Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
