Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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