Just cropdusted the office
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
