A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
