The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
