im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
