Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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