I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
