we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
