Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Houston, we have a squirter
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
