I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
