Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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