I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need to calm my uterus...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
