it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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