I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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