I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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