Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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