But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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