Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
