EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
