You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
