Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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