I want to make a zoo with you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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