At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
