he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
