walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
