eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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