I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
