did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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