If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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