If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
