it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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