I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
