You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am naked and annoyed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
