ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
