Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What a dumb baby whore.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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