ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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