i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
