sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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