They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
