I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
