Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My vagina is very pro this idea
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