I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
