I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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