he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
