I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
