Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Boobs are out for the taking
Someone came in the potted fern
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
