They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
