I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize