What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
