moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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