if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
