yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize