You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
