if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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