Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
