Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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