Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
