Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
