apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
