I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
