I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
