my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
