you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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