You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
