Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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