He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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