I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
