I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
