names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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