for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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