I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
