U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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